The Mother Wound: The Inter-generational Trauma Women Inherit
As a pregnancy and infertility coach, I’ve found that healing trauma is a crucial aspect of personal development. Many of the pregnancy and infertility issues professional women suffer are underpinned by deep-seated wounds that have been passed down through generations. Moreover, because trauma is often hidden in our DNA we tended to ignore the possibility of trauma being transmitted. It is like when the first surgeons operated on people they didn’t understand that it was germs that was killing their patients, In fact, a surgeon was highly regarded if they had bloody tools. However, we all know now that germs are opportunistic and were they to multiply indiscriminately in our body, it could be terribly destructive for our health. We’ve come a long way since then and with modern testing we have indisputable evidence that the imprints of trauma can be inherited. In this article, we will delve into the profound concept of the Mother Wound, an inter-generational pain that women inherit, and offer some effective methods of how we can heal and germinate a new relationship with oneself.
I. Understanding the Mother Wound
A. Definition and Context
The Mother Wound is a direct result of how “in-tune” a mother is with her children. When a mother is not in tune with her baby she often can’t give the child the unconditional loving support and nourishment that they need and so, that child grows up trying to fulfill those unmet needs. We call these trauma adaptive patterns which women are particularly susceptible. To note, we all inherit inter-generational trauma, but it is the cultural and societal norms which are deeply influenced by patriarchal structures that hurts women.
Patriarchal structures are designed to match a masculine orientation where acquisitions, power, force, competition, goal attainment and self-focused are prized. These are very good assets to have in their context such as building structures that requires rules and regulations such as, bodies, governments, businesses. However, this model leaves little space for compassion, connection, communion, community and wholeness, functions that are highly suited for women but in a masculine paradigm, are often seen as weaknesses. For millennia women have grow up in cultures which have perpetuated the messages that women don’t have “intrinsic value” which means they can be bartered, sold, maltreated or have no rights.
The message that one learns is that “you are not safe”. Being powerless to have agency or control in one’s life is incredibly traumatizing so, keeping safe becomes a priority. Thus the collective default mechanism many women had to adopt, was to internalize dis-empowering beliefs about oneself. This collective wound still shapes how many women view their roles, relationships, and self-worth.
B. The Inter-generational Impact
The Mother Wound is not isolated to one generation but passes down through families. It probably goes back many generations however the immediate impact is usually tracked to 2nd or 3rd generation probably because we don’t tend to know all our families details. Epigenetics is the study of how our genes interact our environment and it is is responsible for the transmission of trauma across generations. When a mother is pregnant with a daughter her trauma affects both her daughter and her granddaughter since women are born with all their eggs at birth. Men develop new sperm every 3-4 moths and so, the familial trauma isn’t carried in the same direct way as is for women. This means, in the context of a continuous patriarchal society, that mothers become unwittingly primed to perpetuate the trauma cycle of pain along the matriarchal line. Thus, addressing this inter-generational impact becomes crucial for breaking the cycle of trauma.
II. Identifying the Mother Wound
To begin healing, it’s essential to recognize the signs of the Mother Wound in our lives. There are many but a good ways to begin to get a sense of this, but maybe a great example is to think about a “starving child” that never gets their needs met. A starving child has to adapt to survive and often does this by making themselves useful. So they might over-serving or people pleasing, try to not take too much space, accept scraps, pushing harder, must be perfect, show strength, be capable, accommodating, etc. In fact, many of these behaviours are typical signs of women suffering with Imposter Syndrome. At their root, all these patterns are driven by chronic levels of self-doubt, lack of self-compassion, overly self-judgemental, feeling of not being good or worthy enough. These unhelpful behaviours seriously stunt their ability to have successful relationships, be healthy or perform well and unfortunately, it is society’s conditioning that plays a significant role in shaping these behaviors.
III. Who Experiences the Mother Wound
The Mother Wound is often associated more acutely with mother-daughter relationships because mothers are their primary caretakers during formative years and how they treat their daughters is influenced by their upbringing. However, it’s also important to acknowledge that this phenomenon can also affect individuals across the gender spectrum. Men and non-binary individuals can carry the emotional burden of the Mother Wound especially, since the nature of patriarchy is that it attacks those that are disenfranchised or different. Therefore the choices, the mother makes regarding her sons will ultimately impact their emotional and mental well-being for an early age.
IV. The Source of the Wound
Research shows that when growing up we are like sponges. We mimic and model our parents behaviours in order to learn fast in order to fit in with the social group. Thus, the mother’s influence during one’s childhood significantly impacts how the Mother Wound becomes the driver for their future behaviours. From an evolutionary perspective, belonging to a family or group ensured our safety thus pressure to prioritize relationships was imperative. Intrinsically we are programmed to give of something to be protected. The giving often came at the expense of our self-expression thus, we conformed to societal pressures and expectations.
I have found that most of the problems people suffer with is the war that goes on within us. There is the fight for what “we want” and the fight against what “others want of us” and this is what creates huge emotional dissonance within us. However, the desire to belong is so innate, so powerful and compelling that we will “sell our souls” and pay the cost to have the connection and safety. Thus understanding the source of the wound is fundamental to the healing process. When we understand that what is happening right now, is not necessarily your fault, that it just is how you responded to the early trauma it becomes easier to forgive ourselves. Forgiveness is the start to all healing.
V. Healing from the Mother Wound
A. Re-mothering Yourself
Learning how to re-mothering yourself is pivotal to heal your Mother Wound. Generally women carry a part of themselves that is terribly judgemental and unforgiving. This judge arose because you had to keep yourself “in-check” and the only way you learnt to do that was to beat yourself up. You didn’t have a unconditional loving mother to teach you empathy and unconditional love, however this is the only way forward. So, seeking support from therapists, coaches, or support groups is important because they can provide a safe space for you to dig deep into those painful memories. This is isn’t something you can do alone because that inner judge will get in the way and so, you needs someone to guide you to see the path forward. Also, building connections within a community of like-minded individuals can help you develop that sense of belonging and acceptance needed to feel the world isn’t against you. But the deeper work needs someone that can hold and support you while you go through the journey.
B. Engaging Your Inner Child
The inner child can be through of as the emotional you. This is the adult part of you that when you experience challenges make you feel like a child and so, in that moment you only have access to those child-like resources which were available at the time. However, learning to connect with and nurture your emotional child as the empowered grown up person you are, often is a transformative step in healing. Visualization exercises, mindfulness techniques, and writing letters to your inner child can aid in the recovery process and promote self-compassion.
C. Empathy and Forgiveness
Learning to practice empathy and self-compassion towards oneself helps us to feel safe and is also resourceful when dealing with complex emotions that arise from the Mother Wound. Often we are still smarting from the hurts but when we understand and can offer forgiveness, the cycle of pain gets broken and healing becomes easier.
D. Setting Boundaries
Often setting boundaries can be challenging for women, especially if they have had to learn to people please and can’t easily say NO! But setting the boundaries for oneself so that you take time to nourish and care for yourself is an act of self-love. There needs to be a balance of energy to thrive. So, if there is challenging relationship with your mother and your would is being being “triggered” then setting healthy limits with them, is necessary to give you space for self-healing. Triggering reactivates the little traumas that we experienced on a daily basis and which collectively are causing pain.
Conclusion
Healing the Mother Wound is not only essential for individual well-being but also for breaking the cycle of inter-generational pain. How our genes interact with the environment give us clear indication of the the impact trauma on future generations. Thus, by recognizing the impact of societal conditioning and forgive ourselves for how we inadvertently collaborated with it, we get to shift the paradigm. We create a paradigm that is more socially empowering and collaborative. Knowing that it wasn’t our fault, and that we were the unwitting victims opens the space for us to love, forgive and accept who we intrinsically are. Only then will women have the capacity to authentically live, embody their power and create a positive legacy for future generations.
To Consider….
If this article resonates and you feel this wound deeply and it is stopping you for living an authentic and happy life then book yourself in for a FREE introductory chat. In that session we can start exploring what you want and how I can help you you to achieve that outcome. We need to know where are your potential blocks (your biggest gaps) and what is in season to work with right now. Timing is everything but if there are too many gaps gaps in your energetic field i.e. relationships, fun, happiness, etc., those blocks will just keep pulling you back. We need to know where to tap to make the biggest difference for you in attaining your outcome.
If you are ready to let go of the pain and start living your best life please click on the link and book in for the call. I would love to support you on your journey.
FAQ
If you have any questions, feedback, or need further assistance, you can easily message me through the contact form on my website. I strive to respond promptly to all inquiries and look forward to connecting with you!
How can I message you?
If you have any questions, feedback, or need further assistance, you can easily message me through the contact form on my website. I strive to respond promptly to all inquiries and look forward to connecting with you!
What services do you offer?
As a Pregnancy and Infertility coach, I specialize in helping professional women to navigate the challenges they experience on their pregnancy journey. I help them reclaim back control by provide them with a safe, non-judgmental space where they can openly express their feelings, fears, frustrations and be empowered to confidently create a safe, nurturing and loving environment for themselves and their unborn child.
My passion lies in empowering women to effect sustainable, positive changes in their lives. To achieve this, I employ a diverse range of transformational tools that help in the release of trauma, PTSD, grief, and loss, particularly those stemming from their primary mother wound. Together, we embark on a journey of growth and healing, inspiring each individual to find solutions that ensure a healthier and more fulfilling pregnancy experience.
Can anyone benefit from your coaching programs?
Absolutely! While my specialization is in tailored to working with professional women who are focused on issues surrounding pregnancy the primary trauma that most women experience is a the collect mother wound. My coaching programs and healing books are designed to benefit any individual, especially women, seeking to overcome trauma, heal deep wounds, and create a positive impact on their lives.
How can I access your trauma healing books?
You can access my trauma healing books, Amazon’s number one best-selling authors, through various platforms, including Amazon Kindle, paperback, and other online bookstores. Additionally, you may find links to these books on my website, making it convenient for you to explore and purchase them.
What is the best way to start healing from the Mother Wound?
Starting the healing process from the Mother Wound begins with acknowledging its presence in your life. Identifying the signs and understanding its impact on your relationships and self-worth is crucial. Seek support from therapists, engage in self-compassion practices, and consider joining a community of like-minded individuals for encouragement and growth.
Are your coaching programs tailored for specific individuals?
Yes, my coaching programs are personalized to cater to the unique needs and goals of each individual. Whether you a want coaching for reasons such as improving relationships, spiritual connection, optimising health or seeking healing from the Mother Wound, I will work closely with you to design a program that aligns with your desires and aspirations and which will result in personal growth.
What are the benefits of breaking the cycle of inter-generational trauma?
Breaking the cycle of inter-generational trauma brings transformative to change not just to individuals and future generations but also to the whole collective. Every person you interact with changes because of you and so, being empowered to live authentically, free from the burdens of the past heals the world. By healing from the Mother Wound, you create a positive legacy, promoting emotional well-being and healthier relationships within your family and community.
How can I stay updated on your offerings and events?
To stay informed about my coaching programs, trauma healing books, and upcoming events, you can subscribe to my newsletter on the website. By joining the mailing list, you’ll receive regular updates, exclusive content, and early access to any new releases or offerings.
