Transforming Unworthiness: A New Perspective on Infertility and Imposter Syndrome
Introduction:
When we delve into our past with wisdom and compassion, we unearth deeply seated beliefs that have shaped our lives. Reflecting over my journey through Infertility and Imposter Syndrome one of the most profound and pervasive beliefs was a sense of unworthiness. When we believe that we are unworthy, our capacity to receive becomes greatly diminished and the default behavioural setting we adopt is that we don’t deserve. Can you imagine what it would be like to always live with the default setting of not deserving happiness, health, wealth, or even unconditional love?
Childhood: The Crucible of Belief Formation:
Where does the belief of being unworthy come about? Most fundamental beliefs are formed in our first 7 years of our life. This is the time when we are at our most vulnerable and impressionable. We are like sponges that just absorb everything without any filter and so, we absorb everything. Also, because of this lack of filter children are the perfect hypnotic subjects which means that any suggestion they are given, automatically becomes their truth.
Trauma: The Seed of Negative Beliefs:
Negative beliefs mostly always result from unhealed trauma. The most common wounds are often caused through having parents or carers that themselves are wounded. Most people don’t realise they carry wounds from childhood but they show up in how they parent their child. If a child is constantly exposed the beliefs and meanings they make resulting from the trauma they suffer then their neural networks for that trauma gets rapidly hardwired. What parents seldom realise is that children’s default setting when things go wrong, is to make themselves wrong. This is because form the child’s perspective, blaming their parents would be too unsafe for them, even if their parent is wrong.
The Deep Impact of Childhood Trauma:
Chronic exposure traumatic events throughout one’s childhood hardwires these beliefs and behaviours so that, they become hard wired. Traumatic events later on, especially those of high emotional intensity will cause the reactivation of a specific belief without us being aware of it having happened. This just adds more fuel to the fire. Furthermore, if a primary caregiver is very strict, openly very critical, accusatory and doesn’t openly show forgiveness, acceptance or love it is virtually impossible for a child to learn that they deserve, simply because they exist. The consequence is that they often form an a vicious internalised critic who holds them always to account.
“In the garden of our lives, the seeds of unworthiness, once planted in childhood, can take deep root. It is our sacred task to tenderly uproot them, nurturing ourselves into full bloom.”
Infertility and Trauma: Personal Insights:
I didn’t fully understand the impact of my childhood trauma until later in life, especially with regards to my infertility and Imposter Syndrome. There are many reasons for infertility physically, emotionally, mentally. My reasons were the latter two. I knew that I could get pregnant but I couldn’t keep the pregnancies safe because of high levels of antibodies in my womb. Evidence shows that these antibodies can often be caused through high levels of stress. I was doing what I could to relax so as to down regulate my nervous system but there were other factors in play that I had yet to realise were getting in the way of my healing.
The Role of Faith and Promises in Personal Struggle
Pregnancy was directly tapping into a promise I had made to God, in an extreme moment of despair. I had asked God for a big favour which I fell compelled to off a promise in order to pay Him pay back. At the time, I didn’t believe that ‘I was enough’ to simply receive without making any payment and so, I imposed a lifelong promise on myself to never get pregnant again, should God help me find a way out of this pregnancy. This promise not only dictated my actions but became manifested into my body where I created the antibodies to reject the further possibility of carrying a pregnancy in the future.
“Our battles with fertility are not just physical; they are echoes of emotional and spiritual struggles, calling us to heal deeper wounds and embrace our inherent worth.”
The Complex Interplay of Imposter Syndrome and Professional Life:
Having made a promise that I could not break wasn’t the only cause of my infertility, my Imposter Syndrome also played its part. Part of needing to always be validated was that I was so busy trying accomplish myself professionally to prove myself and be successful that I put off wanting to have children until it was late. Also, burning the candle at both ends means that I had little time to attend well to my needs, a phenomenon common in many professional women, set me up for a disaster to happen.
Unraveling the Truth: A New Understanding of God and Self-Worth:
Later, as I worked through these deep-seated issues, I recognized the flawed narrative that I had been living. My belief that God is a omnipotent presence who’s love and benevolence must be earned was not only misleading but severely damaging. This belief has evolved to a deeper more intrinsic nurturing and divine presence, that exists within us and in all things and that, this divine essence is not about earning love but realizing that we are inherently worthy of it.
“The belief in our unworthiness is but a shadow cast by unhealed traumas. When we step into the light of self-compassion, the shadow fades, revealing our true, deserving selves.”
The Manifestation of Unworthiness in Daily Life:
Feeling of unworthiness will manifest in all the various aspects of your life, including relationships, self-care, and professional endeavors. Most of your experience will stem from not having developed a healthy entitlement to have your needs met. If you don’t experience receiving freely your energetic space closes down. This is because you are always on your guard and so, your capacity to receive from others becomes limited. But the paradox is that you might have developed a compulsion to meet others’ needs at the expense of your own. The constant over giving that you do can often leads to chronic emptiness, exhaustion and a compulsion to achieve, often at the cost of your own personal wellbeing. You may even have extreme feelings of guilt over having more than others which can also be a symptom of martyr-like behaviour.
The Ripple Effect: How Our Inner Beliefs Affect Those Around Us:
You don’t live in isolation and therefore your actions always have an effect. What might not realise is that for those around you, it can be rather challenging. Because your default setting is set to not easily receive no amount of support will seem to be enough to fill the void you have. This can often bring up the feelings of lack and inadequacy in others if they can’t help you. They might even give up trying. You might even see them as selfishness or be overwhelmed by their dependency but you carry on, because you believe that they can’t cope without you. This is a never ending vicious circle that unless we can set ourselves outside the pattern we can’t change it.
Transformative Steps: Opening Up to Receive and Give.
Your transformation must start and be primarily focused on finding ways for you to learn how to develop your capacity to receive and not compulsively give anymore. Understanding where those feelings are generated from and developing a tolerance to hold those feeling will help you develop the capacity to respond differently. Here are a number of ways to do this:
Embracing Presence and Self-Reflection
You need to learn how to stay deeply present to the suffering of others without the need the need to fix, or give what you perceive they are needing. The truth is that when we give what we think people need it generally is not what they need. Furthermore, as a mother over giving to a child in the wrong way, means that that child will suffer later on in life. Not everyone is going to give into their needs or be so kind to them.
The Gift of Self-Reflection and Self-Management:
This is about being deeply present to your own inner experiences by being willing to connect with those deeper feelings, needs and desires and begin to truly honour them as messages from your inner wisdom. They are there to help you grow and transform and therefore they point you towards your North Star.
The Art of Open-Hearted Giving and Receiving
The ability to have the capacity to give generously from a place of pure love without attachment. This means that you are kind, compassionate and free to listen to what they say without the compulsion to give back. This way you will give from a position that is mentally and emotionally more resound which will bring coherence to any situation.
Self-Nurturing: The Key to Holistic Wellbeing
Doing things that bring you joy, eating healthily, doing exercise, doing creative activities, sharing your love. If you are well your family will be well. Ideas in See previous blog
Living Your Purpose: The Path to Empowerment
Us that act of mirroring back and validating to maintian you connection with your purpose, ensuring that it is being manifested to it maximum. As a mother you do not only have not one purpose. You are more than a mother but you are a also a caretaker for your child. Letting children see you navigate your life, fulfilling what you are destined to do allows them to learn that anything is possible for them. This is one of the greatest gifts we can model out for our children.
“Our earliest years write scripts that we unconsciously enact. Recognizing this gives us the power to rewrite our story, turning pages of unworthiness into chapters of self-empowerment.”
“In the pursuit of wholeness, we often discover that the most significant journey is not seeking what we lack, but in unlearning the belief that we are not enough as we are.”
Time to heal:
It took nearly 60 years to break free from this pattern of unworthiness. The journey has been about understanding and embracing the truth that we are all powerful beings, capable of miracles when aligned with our true selves. Our power is not for dominating others but for fostering growth and helping others realize their potential. However, healing doesn’t not have to take a huge amount of time. We have ways to work with trauma where the energy of charge that surrounds that trauma can be released so that, a trauma just becomes a memory that you had which no longer holds you h=back from being who you truly are – a person of greatness.
“Transforming our belief in unworthiness is like emerging from a chrysalis. The process may be arduous, but it unfolds our wings, allowing us to soar to new heights of self-love and fulfillment.”
Conclusion:Embracing Our True Power and Potential:
Our Journey Towards Wholeness and Empowerment will always require transforming our belief patterns, and especially those that are rooted in our unworthiness. This is crucial for our spiritual and emotional growth. As we align more with the truth of our divine nature, we can live the lives we were destined for, filled with self-love, compassion, and empowerment. As a Pregnancy and Mental Fitness Coach, I am committed to guiding you on this transformative journey. Together, we will work towards breaking free from patterns of unworthiness and embracing your full potential. If you’re ready to embark on this path of self-discovery and healing, I am here to support and empower you every step of the way.
So why not book yourself in for a FREE introductory chat. In that session we can start exploring what you want and how I can help you you to achieve that outcome. We need to know where are your potential blocks (your biggest gaps) and what is in season to work with right now. Timing is everything and pregnancy is a time when we can do magnificent work together to help you make the biggest difference for you in attaining your outcome.
If you are ready I would love to support you on your journey. I would also deeply appreciate if you could like and share this article on your social media.
Question: What are the psychological impacts of a deep-seated belief in unworthiness, especially in relation to infertility and Imposter Syndrome?
Answer: The belief in unworthiness can profoundly impact an individual’s psychological health, leading to difficulties in various areas of life. In the context of infertility and Imposter Syndrome, this belief can manifest as a diminished capacity to receive love, happiness, and health. Individuals may feel undeserving of these aspects, which can contribute to emotional and mental stress, potentially affecting fertility. Imposter Syndrome can exacerbate these feelings, making individuals doubt their accomplishments and worth.
Question: How does early childhood experiences contribute to the formation of a belief in unworthiness?
Answer: Early childhood experiences play a crucial role in shaping fundamental beliefs. During the first seven years, children absorb information unfiltered, much like sponges. Negative or traumatic experiences during this period, especially involving parents or caregivers, can lead to the formation of a belief in unworthiness. These experiences become deeply ingrained, often going unrecognized but influencing behavior and self-perception throughout life.
Question: In what ways can a belief in unworthiness affect relationships with others?
Answer: A belief in unworthiness can strain relationships in several ways. Individuals may struggle to accept love and support, feeling they don’t deserve it. They might also become over-givers, constantly trying to meet others’ needs at the expense of their own. This can lead to feelings of exhaustion, resentment, and emptiness, affecting the quality of their relationships and sometimes causing others to feel inadequate or overwhelmed by their needs.
Question: What are some key steps in transforming the belief in unworthiness?
Answer:
Recognizing and acknowledging the belief and its origins.
Developing a deeper understanding of one’s worth and capabilities.
Practicing self-compassion and self-care.
Seeking therapeutic support to address and heal from past traumas.
Learning to balance giving and receiving in relationships.
Question: How does changing the belief in unworthiness impact a person’s overall well-being?
Answer: Changing the belief in unworthiness can have a transformative impact on a person’s overall well-being. It can lead to improved self-esteem, healthier relationships, and a more fulfilling life. Individuals may find it easier to accept love and success, reducing the symptoms of Imposter Syndrome. Emotionally, it can bring about a sense of peace, contentment, and empowerment, allowing individuals to fully embrace and enjoy their lives.
General FAQ
If you have any questions, feedback, or need further assistance, you can easily message me through the contact form on my website. I strive to respond promptly to all inquiries and look forward to connecting with you!
How can I message you?
If you have any questions, feedback, or need further assistance, you can easily message me through the contact form on my website. I strive to respond promptly to all inquiries and look forward to connecting with you!
What services do you offer?
As a Pregnancy and Infertility coach, I specialize in helping professional women to navigate the challenges they experience on their pregnancy journey. I help them reclaim back control by provide them with a safe, non-judgmental space where they can openly express their feelings, fears, frustrations and be empowered to confidently create a safe, nurturing and loving environment for themselves and their unborn child.
My passion lies in empowering women to effect sustainable, positive changes in their lives. To achieve this, I employ a diverse range of transformational tools that help in the release of trauma, PTSD, grief, and loss, particularly those stemming from their primary mother wound. Together, we embark on a journey of growth and healing, inspiring each individual to find solutions that ensure a healthier and more fulfilling pregnancy experience.
Can anyone benefit from your coaching programs?
Absolutely! While my specialization is in tailored to working with professional women who are focused on issues surrounding pregnancy the primary trauma that most women experience is a the collect mother wound. My coaching programs and healing books are designed to benefit any individual, especially women, seeking to overcome trauma, heal deep wounds, and create a positive impact on their lives.
How can I access your trauma healing books?
You can access my trauma healing books, Amazon’s number one best-selling authors, through various platforms, including Amazon Kindle, paperback, and other online bookstores. Additionally, you may find links to these books on my website, making it convenient for you to explore and purchase them.
Using Conscious Pregnancy a Pathway to Sovereignty
A holistic approach is always going to be the best approach in treating anyone whether their goal is to heal or to evolve. Every decision we make is influenced by our emotions. Emotions are the physical or embodied part of our feeling or thoughts. Our brain tries to make sense of our sensations and feelings things by giving them labels. We do this because it is a quick way of accessing information. Therefore we need to have our body and mind working together in harmony. This is what I do. Together we create the right physical and mental environment to focus on the outcome that you want. We will look at things like regulating your diet, sleep, activities, etc. so that you can experience feeling of being more in control and living more joyously.
Are your coaching programs tailored for specific individuals?
Yes, my coaching programs are personalized to cater to the unique needs and goals of each individual. Whether you a want coaching for reasons such as improving relationships, spiritual connection, optimising health or seeking healing from the Mother Wound, I will work closely with you to design a program that aligns with your desires and aspirations and which will result in personal growth.
How can I stay updated on your offerings and events?
To stay informed about my coaching programs, trauma healing books, and upcoming events, you can subscribe to my newsletter on the website. By joining the mailing list, you’ll receive regular updates, exclusive content, and early access to any new releases or offerings.
Note:
Content and imaging co-created with myself and opensource AI technology
“Healing from the wounds of our past is not rewriting history, but rather changing the narrative of our future. It’s about replacing the echoes of unworthiness with melodies of self-acceptance and grace.”
