Do You Frequently Feel:
You’re often on the outside looking in – wondering if you will ever belong?
Yet you stand alone on the outskirts – because that is how you made yourself strong.
Others don’t easily approach or connect with you – they assume you want to be on your own.
Yet, deep inside you crave their affection, want them to need you – because you don’t want to be alone
But, you can’t ask for what you want you’re afraid You’ll be disappoint – and so, your needs rarely ever get met.
Thus the possibility of developing deep intimate relationships are not existent – you live life, full of regret……..
For missed opportunities that were never taken.
The Soloist or Radical Individualist in one of the lesser known saboteurs of Imposter Syndrome. The reason being is because if this is your pattern you very likely, come across extremely independent, self-reliant and even very successful.
Being successful is always a good thing but how you’re being successful, may not be very helpful to you in the long run. I say this, because we are not designed to be alone. We evolved out from a hostile world the human race needed to collaborate to just survive and as conditions got better collaboration helped us thrive.
But if you learnt as a child that the only way to keep yourself safe was to keep your secrets to yourself and not share yourself with others then, this will be you default setting and this filter, will colour every action that you take.
So, let’s see how “alone-ing” yourself can set you up to remaining alone and not having your needs met.
You are smart and so, you quickly learn skills and talents that you harness to become self-reliant and capable. You are good at what you do, you have high expectations of yourself and others BUT others may not be as capable as you. And so, when you ask them to do a job and they fail, they disappoint you. And depending on how often and who you ask very likely, you will learn to expect that everyone will fail or disappoint you when you ask them.
Remember you are not an island and this disappointment doesn’t just stay at work, it goes into every area of your life. So now, you’ve learnt to not ask for support and you try to do everything yourself because “that is the only way a job gets done properly”. Sadly, because you are “alone-ing” yourself you are very likely to stay in non-nourishing relationships until the moment you literally get “fed-up” and you leave without anyone being aware that you were that desperately unhappy.
Key shifts to interrupts this pattern are:
- Recognise how you are “alone-ing” yourself – what are the actions you are taking to stay in this pattern. See what it is serving and name it.
- Take a meta view whole context of you with others and the situations in a 3-D paradigm. Remember you are not alone even if you think you are!
- Seek opportunity to connect and share with others what you want and need
- Develop new skills of communication – have realistic expectations of what others can deliver, negotiated, create space and freedom for people to respond.
- Be empathic when they disappoint always seeking re-connection
So, what would it be like for you,
- If you could easily ask of others in a way that encourages reciprocal acknowledgement, appreciation and support.
- Deeply feel connected, life pleases you, you have endless joy, happiness and fulfillment.
- That you are included, people want you to be around they cherish time with you
- To know and trust deeply that whatever you ask for the universe has your back.
If what I have shared resonates and you want to learn how to have a chat about possibly working with me then message or click on the link and book yourself in for a call.