This is a topic that is very close to my heart because so many women experience feeling they are ‘Not Enough’ and depending on how deeply imprinted it has been it can take some neurological re-coding before they start to deeply know the truth that they ‘don’t have to prove or do anything to anyone; that they exist is sufficient, they ‘Are Enough’.
When we feel that we are ‘Not Enough’ it affects us very deeply because we are always going to experience the world through the filter of LACK often don’t connect to the needs of others. Perhaps the story of Cinderella might illustrate of how LACK can result in ATTACK.
When we think about Cinderella we see her as this poor child relegated to living in the kitchen having to sleep in the cinders of the fire. Her life was hell because her stepmother and stepsister were constantly making demands of her but when she delivers what they ask for they are never happy. Her only escape from this hell happens when her Fairy Godmother transforms her for one night so she can go to the ball where she meets her prince. And like all stories there is a happy ending.
There are many ways that we can see this story but if we want to make it a powerful on we must look a little deeper. Have you ever considered ‘Why her stepmother and stepsister so cruel and ungrateful for what Cinderella produced?’ Surely when you give someone what they want they usually are happy? Herein lies the clue of this ‘I AM Not Enough’ pattern.
In a previous article ‘Show yourself Fully’ I talked about need to ‘invisible’ ourselves so that we could avoid being a ‘target’. We learn to keep safe by becoming exquisitely sensitive to the needs of others to keep out of harm’s way – we actively hide ourselves. But in the ‘I AM Not Enough’ pattern is not about hiding at all. We want people to ‘value’ us we want to be see for what we do, and so the focus is on based us constantly ‘giving or doing’ what we perceive people value.
We don’t seek to explore what they need and give that – we assume. This is the ‘disconnection‘.
So maybe, think of it as opening a business and not doing any market research, just giving people what you believe they need or want. Now there may be many reasons for not doing market research but the truth is if you don’t give them what they ‘need or want’ they just won’t buy or won’t come back again. How many of you have gone for a massage and the therapist didn’t do what you ask for – how frustrating is that? You won’t go back there will you?
Growing up, my experience of gits was that my mother generally gave me presents that I didn’t want. I would tell my parents what I wanted, even went Christmas shopping and pointed out what I wanted. Nada, I can honestly say I never got what I asked for. I always got jewellery, because my mother felt that I needed a nest egg for my future, a very honourable thing to do. But I wanted a present that I wanted, that I had asked for and so I wasn’t a great receiver. She loved me but the desire that I be secure over-road her compassion for the ‘little me’ that needed her needs / desires to be met. She just could comprehend it why I was unhappy – there was the ‘disconnect‘.
When you believe you are ‘Not Enough’ there is this gaping hole inside you that is like a ‘bottomless pit’ that can never be filled. Even though you spend a lifetime constantly doing everything you can to try and fill this pit up. Below are some of the things you might be doing:
How do you change this?
You have to create a new narrative which requires you to see the pattern you are running and change it. This takes courage because seeing the truth of this pattern and how you have created your reality isn’t nice.
But the truth is, people have become dependent on you, because you were always there and now they take you for granted, and feel entitled that you should do more. But fact is, they also get frustrated when you over burden yourself, letting them down and they can easily lose trust in you even more.
It’s a conundrum but it is doable when you learn to understand and respond appropriately to your own internal cues, hold the discomfort and SAY NO if need be!
Part of the learning is that simply to take on board that
‘Your existence in and of itself provides extraordinary value and is a profound blessing to all’.
This means that you do not have to do anything to justify your existence. To know deeply that your needs and desires are just as important and anyone else’s.
What has stopped you in the past was your inability to see this in yourself and so, you sought this from others by trying to give them what they needed – you just missed the mark by seeing what they valued and gave them that. Perfectly understandable assumption to make when you are a little child.
The lack is not your fault – you didn’t know and did what you could to survive and you are as a being is not the same as who you are when you are doing?
What is true is that you are profoundly generous. You give freely and that is a good thing. You also have many skills, you have done so much, you can synthesise information second to none. So, now is the time to bring it altogether and create a system that unites all aspects of yourself finally, into one.
So, what would it be like for you?
- If you could stand in your Sovereignty and take back control of your life, safely give in a loving manner that encourages reciprocal acknowledgement, appreciation and support from all.
- To have enough time, money, love and support to live the life that you want?
- Know that your very existence in and of itself is of extraordinary value to the world.
- Follow your unique destiny blueprint that which you were created, to have everything that you want, knowing the universe has your back?
If what I have shared resonates and you want some help to achieve this for yourself please click on the link and book in a call or email me through the contact page. I’ll be glad to help