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Infertility, Imposter Syndrome and God

When we honestly seek to find and understand the consequences resulting from seemingly bad decisions we’ve made that we will approach this from a point of wisdom and compassion. So for me, going back over past history hasn’t be the proverbial rehashing of my history but rather to learn from it so that I can free myself from the LIE I HAD BEEN LIVING

What I am talking about is my Imposter Syndrome and Infertility, the latter which I believe resulted from a promise I had made to GOD. At the time I was so deeply distressed that I contemplated suicide and whilst in the process of getting ready to inject myself, I pleaded with GOD to show me a way out of my problem, which he did. I felt so indebted that HE wanted me to live that when I got HIS sign I made a promise to HIM, “that I would NEVER let it happen again”. I made this promise because

I was conditioned to believe that you can’t receive anything without paying for it and that includes GOD.

I am deeply saddened that I didn’t have the skills and knowledge that I have now, that would have helped at the time of my abortion but I do know that having this knowledge now, I would have done things differently. “Would I have changed the decision I made to not have the abortion?” Probably not. However, what would have been different was that I wouldn’t have done it alone. I would have acted in full consciousness and not from a fearful place.

This promise was NOT ASKED FOR, the gift was already given and yet, I felt it needed to be made so that I wouldn’t be punished

I held that promise throughout my whole fertile life. I embodied it so deeply that I charged my immune-system to kill any sperm or fertilised embryo.

Moreover, when got to menopause the transition was so easy – not a hot flush ever and I believe that was because the promise was now no longer relevant and I could finally let it go and so sadly, I was never able to bear my own child.

To be honest, there are very few people that don’t experience bouts of Imposter Syndrome at some point in their lives but once inherent confidence kick in, it usually resolves itself.

But Resistant Imposter Syndrome is like there is a “glitch in the brain” and where there is no way and this is far more insidious. And when we look at the research most resistant Imposter Syndrome is caused by CHILDHOOD TRAUMA because, that is where the deepest scars are found. This kind of childhood trauma causes us to almost completely disconnect from our true selves – our life-force, that which is OF GOD.

Reflecting back, in my case, the systematic physiologically and psychological bullying I experienced throughout my home life were all done in the “attempt to make me a good or a “GODLY” person”. The were done FOR MY OWN GOOD!

This meant that I learnt to be afraid of being unkind, hurting people’s feelings or even making mistakes because that would not only upset my mother, it would upset GOD!! I could still sometimes challenge the beliefs of my mother BUT how do you challenge an omnipresent and omnipotent GOD – you can’t and this is where you get “stuck in the loop”.

Unbelievably this has taken me nearly 60 years to undo the pattern.

So what do I think now?

I believe that we are told the LIE about GOD in order that we can never become powerful beings. When are given a distorted view about GOD which is totally UNTRUE. GOD is not some “old man living high in the sky in amongst the angels” – GOD is living and breathing in each and every one of us – we are made OF GOD.

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As as God lives within us we have direct ability to communicate with GOD if we are willing to listen to the truth and not try to justify what we think.

Also, GOD lives in ALL THINGS thus everything is OF GOD and so, when we understand this fully we can do what Christ did – we can do MIRACLES on tap.

BUT: With this immense power also comes with it immense self-responsibility and this is where we have lost our way because we have abused our power and made ourselves above ALL THINGS

We are not here to power over others and ALL THINGS to ensure they do our bidding NO!! We are here solely to live in the responsibility of what this power can creates and to help others realise theirs.

By aligning to this deeper truth we get to demystifying the mystery and find the Whole Truth.

My purpose is that every woman, man and child understand and experience the full power of their potential. For it is only then can we truly transform our selves and live on earth as we were always destined to.


If you are are a professional woman and you are stressed, overwhelmed and depleted because you are too afraid to be found out that you are not perfect then maybe I can help you, to step in to you Sovereign Power and take back control, tame your inner saboteurs and achieve the life you desire, living unashamedly as your Perfectly Imperfect Self. Please click on the link and book yourself in for a call

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